This Is Me: A Reckoning by Hayden Panettiere

I finished This Is Me: A Reckoning only a matter of days before the devastating news that Hayden Panettiere had died.

It is difficult to explain how strange and incredibly sad it felt to have just spent so many hours listening to someone tell you their story, in their own words, only to learn days later that they were gone.

Hayden’s memoir takes us back through a life that began in the spotlight almost from the very beginning. She started working before she was even a year old and went on to build an extraordinary career, including roles in Remember the Titans, Heroes, Nashville and Scream. But the book is much more about the woman behind those achievements.

She writes openly about the pressures of growing up in the entertainment industry, addiction and recovery, postpartum depression, abusive relationships, trauma, motherhood and loss.

One of the moments that stayed with me was Hayden describing herself as essentially arriving in the world with the attitude of: I’ll take it from here. I laughed when I heard it because I recognised that personality immediately. That feeling that you have always been fiercely independent, that you will work it out yourself, carry what needs carrying and somehow keep going.

But as the book unfolds, you realise just how much Hayden had been carrying.

There was something particularly sad about reading about a woman whose immense talent brought her extraordinary opportunities from such a young age, while also hearing about the struggles that accompanied that life. She achieved things most people could only dream of, yet behind the success was a human being dealing with some incredibly difficult experiences.

Her love for her daughter, Kaya, also runs through her story. As a mother, that made the news of Hayden’s death especially heartbreaking to read. My thoughts are with all of her family, but particularly her daughter, who has lost her mum at such a young age.

For those of us working in healthcare and social care, there is something else worth taking from Hayden’s story. We meet people at particular moments in their lives, but we rarely know everything that came before them.

Someone can be successful, talented, funny, capable and outwardly strong while simultaneously carrying battles that nobody around them can fully see. Understanding that is at the heart of compassionate care: seeing the person rather than simply the circumstances in front of us.

I loved this book when I finished it. Knowing what happened only days later makes me think about it very differently now.

Hayden gave the world an extraordinarily honest account of her life, including parts that would have been much easier to keep hidden. I am incredibly sorry that someone who brought so much talent into the world had to endure so many struggles along the way.

And for those of us who grew up watching Heroes, there is really only one way to finish this recommendation.

Save the cheerleader. Save the world.

Rest in peace, Hayden.